Marketing Matinee

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Vincent: You know what the funniest thing about working for a corporation is?

Jules: What?

Vincent: It’s the little differences.  A lotta the same S@#% we got with our Tiny Business, they got there, but there they’re a little different.

Jules: Examples?

Vincent: Well, at Big Bucket, Inc., they actually have a supply closet.  And I’m not talking about no little drawer full of staples and Scotch tape, I’m talking about a real supply closet.

Do you know what they call a – a – a day off at Big Bucket, Inc?

Jules: They don’t call it a day off?

Vincent: No man, they got a Human Resources department there.  How would they know whether you were doing enough work or not?

Jules: Then what do they call it?

Vincent: They call it PTO.  Paid Time Off.

Jules: PTO!

Vincent: That’s right.

Jules: What do they call it when you take off for a funeral or something?

Vincent: A funeral is a funeral, but they call it ‘Bereavement Leave’

Jules: ‘Bereavement Leave!’  Ha, ha, ha.  What do they call it when you just want to spend some time with your kids?

Vincent: I dunno, I didn’t spend much time with my kids.

And here is that classic scene… excuse their French…

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“I know what you’re thinkin’. ‘Should I create a Facebook Page or Profile for my business?”

Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I’ve ended up with business contacts on both my Facebook profile and Facebook Page.

But being as this is Facebook, the most powerful social media site in the world, and could change their Terms of Service to limit the amount of business you can do on your profile at any time, you’ve got to ask yourself one question:

‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well, do ya punk?”

And here is that classic line…

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TweetIt’s the hard-knock life for us!
It’s the hard-knock life for us!

‘Steada sales,
We get nopes

‘Lack of retweets,
dashes our hopes!

It’s the hard-knock life!

Got no web traffic to speak of, so,
It’s the hard-knock row we how!

Static websites,
‘Stead of a blog!

YouTube’s not working
It’s a dog!

It’s the hard-knock life!

Don’t it feel like you’ll never do any sellin’?
Don’t it seem like money’s tight?!

Once a day, don’t you wanna throw the towel in?
It’s easier than puttin’ up a fight.

No one’s there when you can’t figure out how to use Twitter!
No one cares if your business grows…or if it shrinks!
No one dries your eyes when you are sad and bitter!

Google traffic we never get
Google traffic, what’s that? What’s it?

No one cares about your fi – nan – ces
When you own a tiny bus – i – ness!

It’s a hard knock life!

(Making a whistling sound and imitating a customer)

You’ll work on this project until it shines
like the top of the Chrysler Building!

Yankin’ the hair from your head
Tryin’ to figure out why your email’s dead

Tryin’ to avoid the get rich schemes
Lookin’ for good info so you can reach your dreams

It’s the hard-knock life for us
It’s the hard-knock life for us

No one cares about your fi – nan – ces
When you own a tiny bus – i – ness!

It’s the hard-knock life
It’s the hard-knock life
It’s the… hard…knock… life!

And here is that classic song with little orpan Annie…

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Jerry: Hello? Hello.

I’m lookin’ for the prospect that I have been cold calling for the last 18 months.

Wait. Okay…okay…okay.

If this is where it has to happen, then this is where it has to happen.

I’m not letting you turn me down again. How about that?

This used to be my specialty. You know, I was good at cold calling. They’d send me in there, and I’d do it alone. And now I just…

But tonight, my little project of setting up an email newsletter to keep my business in front of prospects that aren’t ready to buy, had a very big night — a very big night.

But it wasn’t complete, wasn’t nearly close to being in the same vicinity as complete, because I couldn’t share it with you. I couldn’t add your email address to my database until you gave me your opt-in permission.

I miss my — I miss my prospect.

We live in a cynical world, a cynical world, and I work in a business where it is virtually impossible to cold call successfully.

I love you. You — complete my email list.

And I just had –

Dorothy: Shut up. Just shut up.

You had me at email newsletter.

You had me at email newsletter.

And here is that sappy scene from this sports classic…

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DR. LECTER:  Send that through.

[Clarice rolls him the sell sheet, in his sliding food tray.
He rises, glances at it, turning a page or two disdainfully.]

DR. LECTER:  Oh, Officer Starling… did you think
you could sell me on your lifestyle coaching services
with this sell sheet full of rhetoric and hyperbole ?

CLARICE:  No. I only hoped that you…

[Suddenly he whips the tray back at her, with a metallic CLANG
that makes her start. His voice remains a pleasant purr.]

DR. LECTER:  You’re sooo ambitious, aren’t you…?
You know what you look like to me,
with your well written sell-sheet full of puffery and your fancy logo?
You look like your full of crap. A well-scrubbed, hustling Tiny Business owner
with a little experience, but you are in over your head.
College has given you a bit of an idea about how to run
a business, but you don’t have much experience in what
you are trying to sell me, do you Clarice…? What was your last job dear?
Were you laid off? Were you pushing papers around in the HR department?
And oh, how you wanted to escape your cubicle!  All those tedious,
traffic jams on the way to work and all you could do is dream of getting out.
Getting anywhere -yes? Getting your Tiny Business up and running.

[His every word has struck her like a tiny, precise dart. But
she squares her jaw and won't give ground.]

CLARICE:  You see a lot, Dr. Lecter. But are
you strong enough to point that high-
powered perception at your own Tiny Business? How
about it…? Look at yourself and
write down the truth.

Or maybe you’re afraid to.

DR. LECTER:  You’re a tough one, aren’t you?

CLARICE:  Reasonably so. Yes.

DR. LECTER:  And you’d hate to think you were
running a common business. My, wouldn’t that sting!
Well you’re far from common, Clarice.  I have seen your
blog and the authoritative videos you’ve created on
YouTube.  I have been following you on Twitter for
some time now and have subscribed to your email
newletter.

Now please excuse me. Good day.

CLARICE:  And the sale… do you think you would like to work with me as a lifestyle coach?

DR. LECTER:  Ahh Yes!  The sale.  I would love to but I don’t think I would be a very
good customer for you.

CLARICE:  Why is that?

DR. LECTER:  The last lifestyle coach I hired for this position tried to invoice me twice in the same month.  So, I ate his liver with some fava
beans and a nice chianti…

And here is that immortal line…

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Rick: Last night we said a great many things. You said I was to do the thinking for both of us. Well, I’ve done a lot of it since then, and it all adds up to one thing: you need to redesign this website on a flexible platform like WordPress.
Ilsa: But, Richard, no, I… I…
Rick: Now, you’ve got to listen to me! You have any idea what you’d have to look forward to if you stay on this custom coded HTML website? Nine chances out of ten, you’d wind up falling out of the Top 100 in the search engines. Isn’t that true, Matt?
Matt Cutts: I’m afraid Google would insist.
Ilsa: You’re saying this only to make me start using social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook.
Rick: I’m saying it because it’s true. Inside of us, we both know you belong on WordPress.  If you go another year with that ghost-town of a website, you’ll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.
Ilsa: But what about us?
Rick: We’ll always have the old invoices I used to send you to get the tiniest little changes made to your website. By the way, do you ever plan on paying those invoices?
Ilsa: I said I would never pay you.
Rick: And you never will. But I’ve got a job to do, too. Where I’m going, you can’t follow. What I’ve got to do, you can’t be any part of. Ilsa, I’m no good at creating websites that do more than look pretty, and it doesn’t take much to see that the problems caused by being unable to add content to your website will amount to zero traffic and little participation in social media on this crazy Internets. Someday you’ll understand that.
[Ilsa lowers her head and begins to cry]
Rick: Now, now…
[Rick gently places his hand under her chin and raises it so their eyes meet]
Rick: Here’s Googling you kid.

And here is a clip from that classic scene:

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TweetJessep: You want answers?
Donald Draper: I think I’m entitled to them.
Jessep: You want answers?
Donald Draper: I want the truth!
Jessep: You can’t handle the truth! Son, we do business in a world that has barriers to entry. And those barriers have to be overcome by Tiny Business owners with blogs, social networking and savvy branding. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Madison Avenue? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for print advertising and direct mail and you curse Twitter, Facebook and WordPress. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that traditional media’s death, while tragic, creates opportunity for Tiny Businesses. And the existence of New Media, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, creates an enormous business opportunity for the Tiny Business owner…You don’t want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want traditional advertising. You need traditional advertising.
We use words like Retweet, guest posting, and SEO …we use these words as the backbone to a business spent building valuable, relevant and consistent content for our market. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very content I provide, then questions the ROI! I’d rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a laptop and write a blog post. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you’re entitled to!
Donald Draper: Did you build a blog for that Tiny business owner?
Jessep: I did the job they sent me to do.
Donald Draper: Did you build a blog for that Tiny business owner!?
Jessep: You’re goddamn right I did!!

And here’s the real thing… what an awesome scene, eh?

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