TweetI didn’t see it.
It was there — plain as day but I didn’t notice it — too caught in in furthering my own goals. Too worried about how I was going to grow my own revenues.
I missed a connection.
A chance to grow someone elses revenues. A chance to further someone elses goals. It was someone I had worked with and someone I trusted. It was someone I considered a colleague and friend.
The embarrassing thing is that they have referred business to me. They are a connector.
I am not.
Or, at least I wasn’t. But I have grown and learned. In fact, I have spent a considerable amount of time working on this aspect of my business. Listening attentively for chances to connect people.
The benefit of becoming a connector is enormous and is not the subject of this post. Suffice it to say that I have seen a dramatic increase in the size of my network and an equally impressive increase in referrals as a result of what I have learned.
Here are three important lessons that you may be able to apply to your business –
“Fill Yourself” With Information About Being a Connector
As my good friend and colleague Jennifer Tobias, author of Live, Love and Earn always says –
“We become what we fill our Kool-Aid pitcher with.”
So — fill your Kool-Aid pitcher with great books about connecting such as:
- The Go-Giver by Bob Burg and John David Mann
- How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
- and Tribes by Seth Godin
Read the blogs of other connectors, listen to their podcasts, and attend their speaking events.
Don’t Connect Just For Connection Sake
Let me preface this by saying that I have never been a member of a referral group like BNI but I have spent quite a bit of time around business owners that are members. BNI operates on a quota system — in other words you MUST connect people to other people — or you can be removed from the group.
Some business owners, usually because of these quotas, will make weak connections. They will connect people that they don’t really know with someone that they don’t really trust.
This is a good rule to follow:
Refer good people to other good people when there is a win/win for the both of them.
Spend Time With Connectors
Surround yourself with those that you would like to emulate. One of the most selfless connectors I have met in the Saint Louis area is Fred Miller of No Sweat Public Speaking. He is the genuine article and the consummate networker. Whenever I see him at a networking event, I sit next to him. I have learned a lot about being a connector from spending time with Fred and other connectors.
Don’t Keep Score
You do someone a favor, +1 for you. Now they owe you one. Right? Wrong.
I am not saying you should let others take advantage of you but you must work hard to not keep score.
You may give someone “10 points” worth of favors over a two year period with nothing in return — and then in the third year — it is returned to you in a “50 point” favor. If you were keeping score you may have stopped giving — and never received the “50 point” breakthrough connection that was coming your way.
Of course, you may never receive anything in return — but that is OK. If you are connecting good people to other good people, you WILL win in the end. I promise.
What about you? How do you connect good people with other good people? What advice do you have?
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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
I especially agree with the advice to avoid the urge to keep score in favours and referrals. The way that things come back is far too complicated to work out in this way, it’s like trying to predict where the cue ball will finish up in a game of pool. And sometimes it’s just lovely to connect someone or help someone out for it’s own sake.
Hi Julia — thanks for stopping by — you are right — it is way too difficult to track how these things come back to us — better just to keep helping others when opportunity presents itself.
Amazing post! Dead on! I gotta hand it to you Russ. You have delightfully mixed up this one.
WOW!
Thanks for the kind words, Russ.
One important thing to add is that when I refer YOU, and other professionals I know, it reflects well on me, also.
I’ve helped two people: The one who had the problem, and the one who can solve it.
It’s important not to make referrals for referrals sake. Know something about the individual and the individual’s work before making a connection. I have several very good friends that, for a variety of reason, I would not connect to others.
Nice Post, and thanks, again, for the mention and link!
@Fred — Awesome point — each time you refer someone — assuming it works out — you have done a favor for two different people.
Hi Russ,
Good point about connecting people who can benefit from one another. By doing so, you are being respectful of a person’s time not having him or her chase down referrals or connections that are “time wasters” or “ankle biters.”
The other point is don’t keep score! My take is that if you keep score you have too much time on your hands!
As always, thanks for sharing!
Best regards,
AMM
@Ann Marie — As Fred says — when I refer you to someone I am putting my own reputation on the line — why would you refer someone that you have no experience with? Too dangerous.
Thanks a ton for stopping by Ann Marie!
Russ,
Good article. These are the premises on which we built Mastermind Networking Group of St Louis. WE build relationships and collaboration, NOT just referrals. But referrals are a part of it. I hope you’ll build time in to come back and join us, Russ.
@Joe High — I am so glad you stopped by my site Joe! And thank you so much for the comment.
Your compliments on the value of this article mean a lot to me as I think highly of you as a networker. I hope I will be able to free up my Thursday mornings sometime soon to begin attending that Mastermind again.
Mr. Henneberry,
Great blog article and a wonderful group of people you have attracted to it. Thanks Joe High, you are the connector embodied.
I really like your Kool-Aid Jar visual, sort of like when Wayne Dyer talks about when you squeeze an orange you get orange juice, then asks what you get when you get squeezed. Sounds like we’d get connections from you, what nice thing to accused of being “full of”.
On the note keeping score, it frees you being tied by “strings attached” relationships. Plus, if you ever do get a connection from someone you have helped, and it is way down the timeline, its like finding cash in the pocket of your coat when you pull it back out in the fall, its a surprise, feel good bonus.
Keep up the good work.
Dr. Sean
@Dr Sean Lynch — Love the “squeeze an orange” analogy — very cool to think about. You are right, being a connector is an investment — it appears that you are investing in others and not yourself at first, but nothing could be further from the truth.
Thanks so much for stopping by my blog! I will be sure to check out your website.
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